Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" Bush exclaims. "That's terrible!" His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, Bush looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

Cool_Dark_Witch
 

A woman is in labour, shouting at her boyfriend, "Get this out of me! You did this to me, you bastard!"
 

He replies, "If you remember, I wanted to try anal and you said it would hurt too much. Not laughing now, are you?"

Jiggyspud

Q. What's big and silver and sits at the end of your bed taking the piss out of you? 

A. A kidney dialysis machine.

Ps_Icon

The master posed the koan to the student: "What is the sound of one hand clapping?" The student thought very hard for several days, when finally early one morning it occurred to him in a flash: NO SOUND! The student hurriedly made his way down to his master's room and exclaimed, "NO SOUND! NO SOUND!"

The master calmly got up and with the back of his left hand, slapped the student across the face as hard as he could, and said, "No sound, eh?"

Shadowslacker

Q: How do you spot a blind man in a nudist colony?

A: It's not hard.

Q. What's white and has been emotionally abused?

A. Pastorized milk.

Verikon

A traveling ventriloquist came upon a New Zealander on horseback in the outback, and thought to have some fun. He said to the New Zealander's horse, "And how does your master treat you?"

The horse "replied," "Oh, very well."

The Kiwi's jaw dropped. Of the New Zealander's dog the ventriloquist asked the same question.

"He treats me very kindly," the dog "said."

Then the Kiwi said, "Don't be talkin' to those sheep, there. They're all a bunch of liars."